My turn...feeling BLUE

It took me years to make peace with Mother's Day, as a day to celebrate mothering, and not feel that it had to be a perfect day or that I had to be a perfect Mom-Me. Accepting that it isn't my BIRTHDAY. I can get through that day in May now without the angst and guilt so many women talk about feeling.

I don't mind celebrating other's birthdays, but I DO NOT LIKE MINE. I grew up not liking a birthday so close to Christmas, for all the reasons Mr. L likes his (back to back birthdays). I can joke about marrying him because he was the one person who really understands what it feels like to have a birthday this time of year. But he is very satisfied and cheerful.

I'm feeling kind of celebrated out. Wanting to skip the day, or Bah Humbug on any celebrating for me.

It isn't the fear of getting older (43 sounds nicely odd--I'm in my PRIME!). I have embraced my gray hairs and stopped hiding them chemically.

I do have a gift problem: especially wrapped in Santa paper. A problem accepting that there is no money left over from Christmas for a gift or the combined one that leaves me feeling cheated...

Bad timing? Would I be happy if I were born in July?

Am I really too humble? Is it too much attention having everyone look at me? Sing to me? Or not enough attention, feeling ignored? Wishing for more?

Getting what I want, or wanting too much and always feeling disappointed? Am I that greedy? That selfish?

Part of birthday/holiday blues is missing my family. Phone calls are not satisfying for me. There has been little family e-mail traffic. I forget what I can't see, and they have mostly disappeared. Deaths and weddings are reunion makers, but it has been awhile. I live thousands of miles away from my parents and most of my siblings. Hundreds of miles (in opposite directions) from two sisters, no easy task to visit frequently.

ME me ME, what about Me?

What is the expectation for birthdays? Wake up, and feel special, feel noticed. Feel unique and honored. Remembered. Known. You would know me so well that you would know exactly what I love and how to make me feel special...And to be thankful for this body, for my birth to this earth.

That part is good. I am thankful to be a mom and pass on the experience of a BODY. Bodies are good. Being alive is good. I am thankful to be me--and that probably means I would only be me with this particular birthday, so I am thankful for my birthday...really.

Today can be a blue day, but hopefully by now you know my favorite color most days is orange ....

Happy Birthday to Mr. L

On his birthday he gives his mom flowers--she did all the work!
















Below is one of my favorite cute husband photos. We were hiking down through Hole in the Rock to Lake Powell with my family. He is still my handsome blue-eyed hunk! Sobering to think in March our oldest son will be as old as Johnny was when I first met him and fell in love with him.

How did we know so young this was going to be a good thing, something that would last? I ask married couples "To what do you contribute the success of your marriage?" and love hearing the varied answers. Most of them include "hard work" in the answer.

Relationships take work. Dating each other now is an investment in our long-term couple-ship. Not just a relationship, a coupleship. Thinking in terms of us, not just me. Sharing. Giving. Listening and lots of talking. Touching! Kissing! Shared jokes, shared hardships, shared good times. Silliness. Laughter. Lots of forgiveness and starting over and persistence and prayer and love journals.

I think that is my favorite thing we added to Us last year, those nightly letters to each other. I am never too tired to at least scribble a heart and an "I love you."

Family Portraits

A super nice lady at the pool with an incredible camera took this one on her machine:
Have you seen those all in white shirt-"Forever Family" portraits? I love them, really want one. I don't think we even own all white clothes for everyone. Someday we will arrange one. Meanwhile, I will keep trying everything else to get good ones, expressive, showing who we really are, what we really look like, how we act, how we feel. Hopefully it shows that we like each other and have fun together!

My camera, but still nice stranger working the lens:

John & I both look a little dazed...Earlier we were Cha-Cha-ing in the water.

Choose ONE

If you had to choose just one, which photo looks the most like her? Which one do you like the best?

She loves her new haircut! She is sending her braid in to Pantene Beautiful Lengths (they do not charge for their wigs, take min 8" and make wigs for adult women with cancer, too, not just kids). G-ma Sandy says it ages her, in good ways. G-pa John says she looks like a completely different person. Said he couldn't wait for her aunt Sara to see! (She is a makeup-wig-hair specialist)

Mailing Madness-so it's VIRTUAL for now!

The Post Offices are crowded crazy today. So hard copies may come later to family far away, after Christmas...

A friend who haikus for fun asked for entries starting with "In this house..."  
 
 



















Suzanna
In this house I harp
Not complaining but strumming
Music floats upward.

Maxwell
In this house we sing
Hymns of Gratitude and Praise
Thanks to God above.

Stewart (applies to RJ & Sam, too)
In this house kids play
Blissful electronic toys
Blocks, dolls forgotten.

Emmalyn
In this house peace reigns
"I love you" and hugs abound
Kindness softens hearts.


I submitted one for each child and 4 were selected for this book. She also asked for quilt blocks, a paper-pieced pattern she designed, but we could choose whatever fabrics. These are my two submissions, both in the big quilt. That is me cooking in one window, and two kids doing dishes in the other! Great set up, someone to clean up after I do the cooking! I am teaching them how to cook more, so that may change...

She's HOME!

I love this picture of Emma, home! In the living room!

We got back from the athletic club and red-comfortable-waterproof-shoe shopping (40% discount at Sears on all Land's End goods) and saw 2 messages blinking on the phone. "I bet one of those is Gpa John wanting to talk to you!" Yes, and they said they would come over sometime today to see her.

They were here in less than 5 minutes!

I loved listening to her answer their questions: what was your worse final? Physics. What was your favorite class? Biology.

Her hair has grown even longer. Tomorrow she makes a visit to Geri (H for Hair Talent), to see what cut and style she would recommend.

Pie Night tonight for EQ activity. John made 3 grapefruit pies last night for it and hopes people come. Spouse invited (or dates, Emma is his other date tonight) but no kids.

I'm officially a wrestling mom!

A couple of months ago our high school junior came home and announced that he wanted to join the wrestling team. Out of the blue for us. He had researched what he needed to do, gone to the info meeting, and had forms for us to sign, uniform fees, doctor permission slip, fundraiser event...He has never wrestled before.

We actually have kind of nerdy-geeky kids. They haven't begged for sports activities and we haven't gone out of our way to push them, except Church YM basketball.

What an intense sport! Today was my first time seeing high school wrestling live. I picked up Roxie and Sam from school and we walked over to the high school, paid our entrance fee ($8)and found seats on the bleachers in the big gym. Gpa John joined us before Stewart was up.

I got a crash-course in following the rules, understanding what the ref was saying (green arm band hand for home team) and what was good, what was bad. From other matches/meets Stewart has brought home medals. He got 3 pins yesterday at an away match.

Weight matters. And it's polite and okay to talk about it in this context. He has a BMI of 15, dense muscles, tough and tall. Today he wrestled 189. "I did all right. I didn't do my best, though. The guy gave me some openings and I didn't take them..." They both looked tired by the end. He scored 4, opponent was behind-but scored within last few seconds; so tied after the 3 periods, and into overtime, and the guy from Howard county got the next take down (not a pin) scored 2 points and won. Coach said be more aware of the time, back off last 10 seconds next time.

The coach knows Gpa John and told him Stewart is probably the most coachable wrestler he has, he really listens to what the coach says, does it. Eats oatmeal right before the match, like the coach suggested. (Stewart and I were talking about food, and he said maybe nobody else knows how to make it, and don't cook from scratch at home, like we do?)

Living with a Spouse: Reading BLOGS & Night Notebooks

I told John he is a bad client. I was trying to paint. He was home teleworking and kept talking to me, interrupting, being cute, but distracting. I told him a few minutes later the witty-banter I should have said earlier, "Hey, honey, can't talk, I'm on the clock!"




Friend Nicole asked the question: "Does your husband read your blog?"

I've been thinking about this a lot. Yes, he reads mine, and some of yours.

Here is some of my very long comment-answer on her blog and some additional thoughts:

Umm, I don't share well, or maybe I am very territorial? John has his own blog. Yes, he reads mine, asks me questions about it (never comments). He can't check them at work, but does when he is home and has spare time. He loves the blog kingdom! But he is a big talky-talk guy, and anything I write he is curious about.

We started doing the notebook letters at night, so I know each night he reads at least one letter I have written. Tiffany told me about these nightly letters (from an Oprah show?) where each spouse writes in a plain old school notebook a one page letter to the other spouse, and the next night you can read what they wrote and respond to questions, ask your own, comment on life, compliment them, write them encouragement or lists (no, not Honey-Do lists, but things you dream about, need, wish you had for your birthday kind of lists). We've been writing every night for...months now?

It has been a nice way to talk about things that we haven't told each other, leave messages, sometimes I even draw him pictures to tell him about my day. A couple of times when one of us was picking up a son very late from a late concert I have written in one without him, and leave the other out on the countertop for him to write in before he comes to bed...Oh, and I never peak at what he has written until night-time. The anticipation is nice, knowing there is a letter there at the end of the day just for me!

Moral of the long comment: if you want your sweetie to read what you write, write it just to him, and stick it in front of his face, in bed. He can't miss it!

Straight A Teenager

  This is Suzanna not wanting to have her picture taken--with the handful of other 8th graders who got 4.0 first term. Tough to be 13 and your mom has the camera in your face... 
 

2 short videos...

Each auxilliary was responsible for a number on the program. The RS president delegated to her husband,who sang a solo. John as EQ president recruited Suzu,Max,Stewart and Devin to help,(future elders, in 2 years)


Sam's SCHOOL band and choral concert was wonderful. He and two boys weren't on the program, but the music teacher introduced them saying this year she has some great guy singers, who start stuff in class on their own.

Ward Christmas Party!

Before the party, RJ and Sam excited!
Santa is not just for little kids!

Check out his blue, blue eyes! And yes, he wore cowboy boots again!

Maxwell in Concert A'Cappella Choir

If you don't have time for anything else today, listen to this one! Love it, love it! You can hear Max, deep low voice, loud. I was impressed with the sound this small group projected--we are in the back of the school auditorium. Thank you, Handel!

What do you love? What do you collect?

Do you love something so much that you collect it, surround yourself with it, people know what to get you for any celebration?

Once I collected rabbits (my living in Iowa phase) and then it was copper tea pots for awhile. I used to collect rolling pins until the number reached more than 20 and it was too many...I still collect cookie cutters, fabric, friends!

Now I beg people to let me paint their walls. Today I moved some of these small Lucy-isms to this wall, grouping them, and that left the pink wall free for me to paint!
Sonia inherited vivid red countertops and has always loved Lucy. She has a collection and found a theme for her kitchen after being inspired by another friend who has a "Gone With the Wind" living room!

We are NOT travelling for Christmas

Celebrating all December

Yesterday was Christmas Street Parade, downtown. All the local fire trucks come, dogs are dressed up as reindeer, soldiers, boyscouts, cloggers, dancers, 4 school bands. My favorite part was the bagpipes (we are Scottish), but I waved and cheered for everyone that came by. There was a girl in Roxie's class that recognized me from being Patriot Program mom. You know you live in a small town when you see the high school principal across the street with his grandkids and all the councilmen not only look familiar but you know their names before you see the signs on the sides of the floats. Almost all of the friends that came to Suzu's party walked down with us and we sat by another family from Church.
I love to see our kids be buddies. It warms my heart when they help each other, sit by each other, share...
Stewart reading a link from our Advent Christmas Chain. Each day has a devotional thought, scripture, hymn to sing, and a service activity suggestion. Today's was "Give away 2 of your toys and a bag of groceries anonymously."
12 snoman cupcakes (they look like lightbulbs) with coconut & cream cheese frosting, friend birthday party.
Suzu and G-ma Sandy share a homemade German Chocolate Cake today with family. I always make double the frosting, cousin Palmer-family style!

Dinner & Dancing Date

The adult Christmas Gala is something we look forward to every year. But every year I would end the night grumpy and nearly fighting. Why? Max has a concert on the exact same night, and we go from the dance to the Boychoir parking lot and sit and wait and wait (one time for nearly 2 hours) for his bus to come. I am grumpy-tired, usually need to go to the bathroom, and just want to be home already. All the good feelings gone. This year we had a plan: I was going to drive home from the dance with John's parents. But somehow we missed Max's drop off time and he missed the bus like he was missing his uniform tie (there is a family reward out for the finder). I feel bad that he missed his concert (he gets graded for each one) but it simplified our night.

The theme was International and the dinner entertainment included a visit from St. Lucia from Sweden, 2 blonds, 5 redheads, and one brunette, all from our ward!
Our camera had limited juice, and the flash was not cooperating, but I caught some action on the floor. Nicely attended, just under 100 people or so. Food was good, catered from the Bombay. Music started slowly, but with a DJ plan: all the group dances were first, the Cha-Cha, Electric Slide, Hooky Pooky, etc at the beginning, and then the slow songs and the 50's stuff and more slow and Funky, Salsa-ish (churn those elbows!), Conga, 2 Cowboy songs and even Boy George.
I bought a silly turquoise petticoat (a square dancing underskirt) and sewed it to the bottom of a sparkly tank top and wore it under a new black dress, all from the thrift store. Total outfit cost $11.50.
I look flushed and not as glowing happy as I felt--if the flash had been working you could see some SMILES! Whoohoo, especially when "Footloose" was played! John stood and just watched me go for a couple of minutes. We had a sweaty, great time. Life is perfect when it includes a foxtrot with a box-twinkle! (His tie matched my flaring skirt, which was really fun to spin in and fell the swirling fabric!)

Glad for Birthdays: 13 years ago Lucky!

Today is Grandma Sandy's birthday! 13 years ago I gave her a present that grows every year: Suzanna's birthday is also today!
I took this photo this morning of her! Great smile, and interesting to me that she cocks her head to the right naturally when she smiles. New teenager!
She wanted polar bears in her room. This was my gift to her. I didn't realize PB were on the extinct list--30 years estimated before they will die out living naturally. So this was like painting a Dodo bird on her wall?

Cotton Club: I can do "wallpaper" this scale!

This is the most recent combined sewing effort from these ladies, we each did a block. Mine is top left hand corner.

You take me out to eat, and I am going to be studying the decor. I really wish I had taken my camera to downtown Syracuse, NY, with Deb & Roger to capture the colors and faux painting and murals at the Mission Restaurant (high recommendaiton).

If you see any of these women, know that they are friends. We've been a small group for 2 years. They all own cats (at least one) and are talented quilters. I am leaving the group, saying official farewells. Laurajane has a snowman quilt that each of these women contributed a block to create. Cheryl doesn't think she photographs well, so I was determined to get her smiling!
Erin, past president of FGQG just before me. She organzied the Cotton Club, with the one requirement, everyone had to be nice!
Patti!
Pam at the head of our table (can you see her on the back of a Harley? In leathers, with her sweetie, seriously!)
Freddie & Ruth
Sheree & Lois (and look at that wallpaper background! I could paint that!)