Pictures for Me, the MOM!

 Stewart was a good sport as I snapped 30 or so pictures.  Still love the lighting trick of camera holder standing outside on the front porch, hold screen door open, and having subject sit inside house, on front doorway floor.  No flash.  Zoomed in.  Camera looking down at face.  These are untouched.  Glasses, and no glasses.

 With my parents, scrunched together.  Taken by John.

 Just standing together, but shot a little lower.  We need to remember to get photographer taller than subjects.  I like the scrunched look better, closer together.  Hard to direct when you are in the picture, easier to see when you are taking it.

Stewart giving me a hug after his portrait sitting session!

I am thankful for the many, many photos we have taken as a family.  Never enough, when you are trying to narrow them down, choose your favorites for a memorial service slide show...Emma helped so much in going through all the files.  We scanned in the pre-digital photograph prints we had.  She started out with 800 (?) good ones of Max and narrowed them down to fill 5 guest books, one for each sibling, and a good slide show.

Take some family photos, today!  Don't wait.  Don't ever wait.  Tell them it is for you.

Grieving and Going Forward

Bubble-Gum Pink & Purple ties for family.  Telling people about the colors Max requested for his birthday crown gave friends & family a way to show support, to do something.  A way to show solidarity.  It was amazing to see the chapel, the gym, and chairs up on to the stage plus people standing in the aisles and the hallways at the Memorial Service.  Baltimore Raven's shirts.  Pink and purple balloons in the gym.

Lisa Chin gave Mom prayer flag-banners to deliver.  I love them, beautiful, thoughtful, words of hope and blessings.  One length is still up in our dinning room.  I took 3 to Church and a friend put them up around cupcake tables, and on the stage; they were perfect addition to the evening!

Hard stuff:

Going through his papers, all neatly filed in a plastic organizer..."The Family:  A Proclamation to the World" (which we memorized as a family when Max was in junior high) was right on top.  Then all of the letters anyone had given him, collected from last 3 years.  All his many job paycheck information.  Then dream journals, recovery/rehab workbooks.    Two photographs:

Doodles and little pictures:

His siblings will go through his t-shirt collection and divide them up so I can make 5 t-shirt quilts for them.  There is sheet music.  His  scriptures.  Not much in terms of worldly possessions.  I haven't been able to wash his pillow case yet--still smells like a hug from him.  Every few days I take a big whiff, cry a little, then go on.

Today I am thankful for the Sabbath as a day to rest.  I am thankful for sweet neighbors dropping off hot homemade mac & cheese.  Thankful for 7-up cake from Eric in VA for breakfast!  Thankful for visiting teacher delivering Pad Thai dinner.  Thankful for being surrounded by family (Mom & Dad are still here, Emma & Dean, Suzu, Stewart-but all going back to Utah tomorrow.)  Thankful for all the hugs at Church.  Thankful for great talks from our stake patriarch and talk about courage in sharing our testimony and talk about Faith.  Even the Relief Society lesson was helpful:  President Uchtdorf's talk on "Grateful in Any Circumstance.

I am thankful for leftover chocolate chip cookies that John saved in a baggie and hid for me.  Thankful for the temple that we were able to go to Saturday and feel the comfort and peace and Spirit there.  Thankful for the many, many Books of Mormon with Max's picture and a family testimony inside we gave away at his memorial service:

The picture we used was a selfie he took at a family photo shoot Jarrettsville sunflower fields...4 years ago.

Memorial Service

I don't have pictures, but here is a blogger that was there.

The Maryland State Boychoir was late, due to horrible traffic, but worth the wait.  They sang 3 songs as prelude, and then more afterwards on the stage (Tink of Me!).

Links to the Eulogy, and John's talk coming soon.

Thank you to Lisa Chin's purple and pink prayer banner.  Perfect.  Made me cry, opening up the package and reading the stenciled words of hope and prayer.  Three of them will go into T-shirt quilts for Max's siblings, and one I am saving to bring out each year on Max's birthday.  That one is still hanging in living room.

Lots of hugs, tears, testimony.  80 Books of Mormon given away.  Reconnection with many faithful friends.  Family support, cupcakes, music. 

A Recommendation

We finished reading last night.  Moroni 10:14 stood out differently after our weekend of loss.  I love this book, and I am thankful for the truths and testimonies of prophets within these pages.  Thankful our children have been good sports about reading it as a family.  This is our nightly devotional ritual, followed by a prayer and the tradition of giving each other hugs & kisses and saying, "I love you!"

Proof we can still smile (mostly at John's goofy back and forth setting the camera timer).  Life goes on.  We miss Maxwell.  We are grateful for the support and love family and friends and strangers/new friends have shown us.

So this is us living our beliefs.  We believe families can be together forever.  That death is a temporary separation.  That we will all be resurrected, perfected, with not a hair missing.  That we are loved by Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  That all will be well, eventually, and we can find peace during trials and hard things.

Last Photos of Maxwell

 

Roxie turned 13 yesterday.  She loves the felt crown I made her, blue & green with lace around the rim.  (Max asked for a purple and bubble gum pink felt crown for his birthday next week so I took his head measurement and wrote in permanent marker his name next on my measuring tape...  He also put in his request for Pad Thai and chocolate cake with pistachio pudding frosting.  He wanted to take Roxie & Sam to the baseball game, so we were going to eat at 5 so they would be on time to the game.)  We celebrated at 2:00 pm since Grandpa John was leaving for fishing trip to Canada that afternoon.

The rest of the story is that early this morning Grandma Sandy rang the front door bell with the chief of police and a detective to tell us the bad news about our son.  No foul play, is the official investigation, apparent suicide.  Grandpa cut short his dream fishing trip.  Max's memorial service will be on his birthday, Friday the 25th, 7 pm at the LDS Church, Level Rd.  We will wear purple and bubble gum pink instead of black.  We will sing, remember him, miss him.  And eat birthday cake with everyone who comes to grieve with us.

Beautiful!

Alena is easy to love!

Sister Superheroes!

"Daddy" Michael's face that Luanna helped nephew Jack make to distract him from abandonment.  Those green Good & Plentys are his toes, and nose.

I look at us, exactly where we stood 25 years +2 months ago, noticing the hair changes, added weight...but thankful he is holding my hand tenderly.  Marriage is good!

The Celebration!

Thanks to Emma & Dean for music and flashing DJ lights for celebration dance!  Dean was great at choosing songs that were popular when my parents got married, throwing in music for the younger cousins, making sure there were enough slow songs for aunts & uncle couples to dance to...An hour was just right.

Stewart carried down rolling chairs for Mom & Dad to sit on, but they stayed in the middle of the dancing, spinning each other.

 

Then they blew out 50 candles in JohnB's amazing two-pan black bottom cake!

There is still a month and a half until the actual wedding date anniversary, but this summer was the only time we could gather almost all of us (before YW camps, Scout camps, band camps...).  Dad insisted that if you would have come to his funeral last spring (close call) please come to his reunion celebration while he is still alive.

I am thankful for parents who love each other and have worked hard to have a good marriage.  And thankful for siblings who have found good spouses and their beautiful children so easy for me to love!  It was a good reunion.

Email me or make a note in comments for details on how we did food for 56 for 4 days.

Did I mention the lake? Bear Lake

Sam with cousins.

Nephew Jack "fishing" after our adventure finding a place to pee.

Successfully getting nephew Evan to take a nap so his parents could jet ski.

Suzanna on deck overlooking lake & rainbow after storm.

We had a great family reunion 7 years ago at Virginia Beach.  My parents rented a home right on the beach, and it was wonderful being able to play in the water.

The Bear Lake cabin was further from the water, but close enough.  The cabin was AMAZING, huge, many slides, almost enough rooms for all of us.  Could have used a few more bathrooms, more eating space.  Everyone was good about taking off shoes before coming in, and keeping food only on tiled kitchen, dinning area, and decks.  The kids never got tired of the slides! 

Thank you, Mom & Dad, and Happy 50th Anniversary!

Just Two

EmmaDean

My parents KenJane

Emma with her Dad, where she teaches high school chemistry.

Suzanna with John.

Two of my sisters, Luanna & Laura.

Roxie & Suzanna pointing to tame deer on campus.

ChrisBecca, cheering the other campus...

Us.

Well, us, with Suzu standing on my forehead.

Bear Lake was marshy and low, but beautiful!

Another one to print of DeanEmma.