Thankful for My Family

Roxie last Friday.  She read over 1,500 pages to win this t-shirt in November.  She read a LOT more than that!

Sam and his metal projects from school.  I told him he could make a bunch of "Babcocks" and "Smiths" and "Demetters" and "Koehlers" and "Greensides" but he says he has to get back to welding in class, not just the metal punch machine (which is very cool).  This is his gift to the family he is going down to spend Thanksgiving with, sweet offer that comes with the rides provided and gaming buddy heaven.

John before the baptism he conducted on Saturday, his calling as ward mission leader (video of what he does in his volunteer/lay responsibility at Church) keeps him busy with meetings, not just with the missionaries, but early Sunday mornings, too.

Suzanna, Emmalyn & Dean are all in CA.  Stewart is with my parents in Utah.  Quiet day here, maybe some skyping, and finishing up some home projects, staying busy, not moping, looking forward, like Luanna's wise counsel to me, instead of dwelling on the past too much or what could have been.

Addiction Recovery Outreach & Hand-Outs

Definition of a handout in LDS vocabulary:  cute, often pun-filled, physical take-away short message that reinforces the lesson.  Something the learners and listeners can refer to the rest of the week and remember what they felt during the lesson, reminding them of what goals they set while listening to the speaker.  Sometimes it is treat-related, so they can eat it after class...More often just paper...but I grew up being taught this way and using handouts when I taught to reinforce a lesson.

An official example of a handout here.  And some guidelines and caution about using handouts here.  Some cutesy-very LDS-culture examples here on this pinboard. 

The first time John and I spoke about Max's drug use to a group of Boy Scouts, I had put my 5 points shortened down to statements on the back of a photograph of our son. 

Joe loved them, said he never thought of the idea, asked if he could print them up officially, like baseball trading cards to give out at these talks.  We gave permission, and he even sent us proof copies to approve.

And I have a huge box full, more available.

If what I say doesn't sink in, maybe reading the words later, or looking at the picture of Max will remind them how precious life is and how much drugs hurt you.

And that is enough for now.

(A little different, every time we talk.  This was Tuesday's talk, given with many tears.  I was ready to rush out, but John whispered that he felt we should stay.  We talked for 20 minutes with some of the troubled youth.  They had lots of good questions.  It felt good to talk about Max, see his video again, and to try and help.)

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years.  We got married young, while we were in college, had our family right away.  We both graduated from college, and my husband went to law school, passed the bar.  I am a stay-at home Mom.  One morning when I was cleaning, emptying the trash, I smelled something---different.

I didn't use drugs in high school, not even once.  Never drank alcohol.  But I knew what I smelled. 

I dug a home made bong made from a soda pop can out of the garbage, and then looked in my son's drawers until I found a zip lock baggie of same smelling stuff.  Called my husband.  Took photos, and tried to not freak out. 

To give Max the benefit of the doubt, when I confronted him after school I asked him if he was holding the pot for a friend?  I stayed calm.  Didn't yell.  He admitted it was his.

Whatever personal experience of conflict between you and your parents, any disagreement, I want you to remember that you are fiercely loved.  If your family situation isn't like that, I know there is someone else in your life, maybe a teacher, or another adult who cares about you and your future.  They want the best for you.  They want you to be safe.  They want you to live, and be happy.

Even though I hadn't used drugs in high school, I knew people who did.  It doesn't matter where or when you grow up, what city, you can find it.  It's everywhere.

SO even from the outside, not being a user, or an addict, I knew about consequences from using drugs when I found pot in my son's drawer. 

1.  First, it is illegal.  If that keeps you clean, at least while your body is still growing and developing, awesome.  Getting arrested, and going to court are not pleasant.  It costs $.  It's awkward, embarrassing, horrible, really.

2.  Some people might try and convince you there is no long-lasting harm.  Which makes me want to laugh out loud now.

THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES to using drugs.  Sure, you can sneak them, and maybe you have a better hiding place for your stash.  Maybe you can get away with not looking  anyone directly in the eyes and they won't know you are wasted, at least for awhile.  Using the fan in the bathroom so you can get high--yeah, you might get away with it, for awhile. 

But things are going to start falling apart.  Got a job?  Great!  Can you keep it?  How's your mental abilities functioning?  Having a hard time staying in school?  Yep, worse and worse.  Trust issues?  Are your parents ever going to let you drive their cars again, possibly high?  No way.  Relationships? 

For our son, using pot lead to more drugs.  Sneakier habits.  Stealing (family grocery $) and prescription meds to get high.  Shoplifting cough syrup to get high.  Swearing he had stopped, and using anyway. 

I hate SPICE.  Wicked, horrible stuff that eats your brain, damages your sense of humor, makes you stupid, really stupid.  Acid, mushrooms, other gross stuff.  He was trying to "use up" everything I hadn't found and we had to take him to the hospital New Year's Eve.  I thought he was going to die, temperature sky-rocketed, his heart was racing too fast, he couldn't stop shaking, and he was blathering nonsense.  Using drugs triggered psychotic episodes in him.  Sure, maybe it won't react to your body chemistry that way, but why risk it?  Don't risk it.

I won't list all the rehab programs we tried.  Or all the hospital stays.  Or the cold, cold night last winter when I took warm gloves and a hat to him when he was homeless.  Our son picked up smoking cigarette habit from AA meetings.    Which was especially horrifying to me because he had the most beautiful singing voice.

Why did he use drugs?    He told me that a good friend of his swore it was better than sex.  Which is a lie.

That it would make him feel young and free like a 7 year old again, that child-like wonder with the world.  Which is a lie.  Sure, it might make you goofy like a kid, but you won't be free.  You are going to get tangled up in a habit that won't let you go.

One of the consequences of using drugs and committing suicide is that your mom is going to read everything you ever wrote.  Your computer will get searched.  Your mom is going to go through everything, and maybe keep your pillow so she can smell where your head has slept, smell your hair and cry a little every time.

Some of the things I have read about how he was feeling BEFORE the drug use started:  he was really down on himself, thought he was horribly ugly and disgusting, non-loveable.  He despaired over being accepted and really liked a girl but she didn't seem to notice him.  He had questions about his future, worried about the pressures of money, STUFF WE ALL HAVE TO DEAL WITH, nothing unusual.  Stuff you have to deal with, too.

But you don't need to make the choices he did.  Stay sober.  Party sober.  You can have a great time without getting high.  And you can remember the party afterwards!  You can be responsible for your choices and be focused and clear thinking…really free.

Drugs ruined my son, wasted his life.  Please, get help, and help your friends. 

Counting...

I can't bend down anymore, shouldn't, to continue filling in a blessing for each day.  Love whiteboard markers, that you can write on white boards, glass, or mirrors.

In the mail, finally...She is a month old already?!

Reverse applique using polar fleece, very stretchy polar fleece, for all its non-piling advantages.  An IKEA pillowcase gave some stability (without it I made a puckered up mess of stretchy wrinkly awfulness.  This quilt is brought to you by UN-SEWER's united!  Love my seam ripper and an afternoon of unsewing quietly in the sunny window seat...) Silky rose Barbizon background and other side, so this is more a wrap or blankie, than a true old-fashioned quilt, no batting.  Find the fox!

I am thankful for colorful, fun fabric.  Love the visual and tactile blessings of our bodies, being able to touch, caress, admire, luxuriate in color and enjoy.

Fox found on a cute tea towel from TJ Maxx that I originally was sending to my brother for his birthday, with his great middle family-history name!

Message in my email

 Posted this CTR t-shirt alter on Instagram.  I love this long-sleeve t-shirt, even the crazy Gothic graphics, but felt it was time to cover up the ornate cross... (notice the AMAZING metal sign  behind me that Sam made us!)

 I don't read email every day, but I try.  Awhile ago I signed up for a daily message, and here was yesterday's.   It seems that whatever the message, it fits nicely into my day, and I am thankful for the thoughts.

Posted: 22 Nov 2014 09:00 AM PST

"Your testimony may begin from acknowledgment that the teachings of the Lord seem reasonable. But it must grow from practicing those laws. Then your own experience will attest to their validity and yield the results promised. That confirmation will not all come at once. A strong testimony comes line upon line, precept upon precept. It requires faith, time, consistent obedience, and a willingness to sacrifice."

—Richard G. Scott, "The Power of a Strong Testimony"

Pie Night Royalty

I have a sister who is the Pie Queen!  Nobody I have met makes quite as good of pies as Laurajane.  Delicious crust, wonderful fillings, and points for quantity.  Although Roxie's favorite was a cheesecake pie Uncle John made, Sam and I loved Laura's blueberry Uncle Blen pie, and John and I loved the amazing PECAN pie, lots of pecans!  10 pies, 2 bacon broccoli quiches that we ate with dinner, chocolate chip bar cookies and Aunt Luanna's fudge shack walnut maple fudge (very, very popular among boy-cousins).

Queen Laurajane (her hair is half way down her back again, grows fast! And Randy lost 60 lbs since March not eating sugar) made a sugar-free pumpkin that was perfect and a sugar-free cherry, too.  Gracious host, serving everyone before they sat down to enjoy pie.  They have a perfect party house, lots of open space and comfortable for chatting.  I was sobered thinking of their short stay on east coast is ending...they won't be here next Thanksgiving season.  Maybe we will have an Easter Pie Night???

Earlier that day Roxie had state choir auditions (this is her new warm favorite coat).  And yes, not one, but three books to take to read in the car, so she could finish one and move on to the next...

John made serious salad.  In a tupperware bowl exactly like ours.  We retrieved a missing salad fork!  Funny how things can go from house to house!

Brother John has groovy socks.

Zoe cracked us up with her attention to ME, the non-dog petter.  She would come and creep up into my lap.

Wished I had gotten a photo of Sam playing with cousin Dallin.  They were funny to watch!  And the NARWHALE challenge game!  They were so funny, this group of cousins cheering each other on.

Pie Night:  a dinner before Thanksgiving where you gather and just eat pie!  Mom told us about the family tradition someone had started so they could eat with family, and friends, and have the pie be a separate meal to enjoy, not just when you are stuffed with turkey and stuffing on Thanksgiving day.  We have had various iterations through the years, even held it on a local church level (when I was YW pres and John was YM president it was a youth activity a couple of years in a row, organized by us).

Laura is famous as Pie Queen for the Thanksgiving year we gathered in Cranberry with a pie per person---28 pies?  Crazy fun wonderful good memories.

Trains & Temples

I took the train Friday down to BWI close to John-husband's work.  Worse moment was when another MARC train came the opposite way and startled me, made me jump, heart racing.  I had ridden the train & subway in Manhattan 2 weeks ago, and it was ok, as long as I didn't think about it, dwell on sad things.  Trains are modern tools, and if Max had died in a car accident I would still drive a car, carefully.  I have an aunt who died in a small airplane crash, but our family still flies.  John had an uncle die in a motorcycle crash, and those are kind of a family off-limit thing now.  The intersection is 7 houses down from our home, and I always pause a couple of seconds longer, thinking about his uncle Mike, take a minute to be safe and look for motorcycles before turning left...So maybe it is okay to think of Max with every train ride and pray for the engineers to be safe and pedestrians careful...

John was waiting on the sidewalk for me.  He towers above most of the commuters, so I could see him from a long distance off, very romantic and sweet of him.  He escorted me to the car, opened my door like always.  I don't want to take that gentlemanlyness for granted.  I count it as a blessing!

There was a huge accident on the beltway that we avoided taking 200, got to the temple in record time.   I feel such comfort and peace there and joy for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the promised resurrection.  We talked about Maxwell and cried some together for almost an hour after our service.  My testimony of Joseph Smith (watch the film on the link to see my favorite actor portraying him) as a true modern prophet was strengthened tremendously this trip down.  I thought of him and the restored priesthood keys and ordinances revealed through him and felt a kinship/friendship that was new to me--like a reunion/remembering as I recognized his voice.

My eyes are squinty from the sun and allergies, but I am happy.  John is concentrating on pushing the right button.

This is a Good Place

Thanks to a friend at John's work, we stayed in a sweet little condo in Dewey.  Deserted off-season beach, beautiful full moon over the calm water, sunrise from a warm upstairs room looking out at the ocean.  Very relaxing and nice to get a weekend date, just us.  Cream of crab soup, crabs, lots of cheese.  Crayon drawing on the table waiting for crabs.  And 3 different thrift store shopping for sister missionary clothes for Suzanna!  (Wearing my altered tiger-t-shirt cut in half and sewn onto a sweat shirt front=easy project.)

Another place to add to the Max's ashes memorial.  Good place to remember him, honor him, tell him how we are feeling, how much we miss him.

NYC Marathon Trip

Julie Babcock & Luanna, some super nice policeman, and the 45,000 runners coming over the bridge on the far right...

The difference b/w phone camera (apple in NY) and above (my Dean camera) is clearly obvious...

Cake celebrating Alzheimer team running.  David kindly inlucded us (and our spouses, just in case) on the list for the swanky reception after the race.

One of my favorite things I saw on the subway, super crowded, older Latino couple, her hand in his pocket.

Luanna is a lot of fun to hang out with!  Giggly sister making me laugh. Julie is calm and good at navigating and full of complements and kind words.

Eating out day before race, teryaki burgers...

Beautiful, smart doctor-in-training daughter of my cousin was super kind and has a great single's ward we went to Sunday early.  In our jeans and "Knit & Run" t-shirts.  We were made to feel very welcomed.

View from Kellie's place.

enJOY burgers (north of Kellie) gave us playing cards with our receipts, called out the card when our food was ready (and we turned in cards to be reused, clever, clever and good food).

Sunday after Church we subway-ed to Queens to catch the racers at the half-way point.  David went by so fast that we went north on the subway to chase him, caught him with minutes to spare at Duke Ellington memorial.

Picture below is in Queens, roof of an LDS celebrity...

Famous person spotting:  When David was teaching people to finger knit in the park with Lion Brand yarn (lovely, lovely yarn.  David is a spokesman for them, official promoter) Julie met Kristy Glass and worked out an invite to her apartment to watch the race.  This is her rocking chair.  She calls it "Yarn Bombing" and I was delighted! She is an amazing person, has a sweet family, and a home that is filled with the Spirit and lots of love & cool color!  We helped make a sign for her friend SHAY running right near David.  Sam has been a big fan of Shay for years, and was impressed with the networking.

Kristy has 3 children now, works as an actress, runs, and so does her husband.

David finished under 4 hours, which met his goal.  AND he finished knitting this scarf early in the race WITH LETTERS!  I am so proud of him and it was wonderful to be there and be supportive of his achievement!