Ironbirds Baseball Date

Mrs. Famini taught Emmalyn, Maxwell, and Suzanna, elementary school.  She hosts the section behind home plate, the table seats!  A sweet friend gave us tickets to see the game.  And this time we WON!  5 home runs in first inning!  Very exciting game, and I get very emotionally involved, cheering, trying to pay attention to the difference between a strike and a ball, getting to know players.

Guess who was holding camera???

Conversations

Our waiter asked, "How about dessert?  We have NY cheesecake or creme brule?"
"YES!" we said in unison.
He asked, "Should I bring one of them to share?"
"No, two!" we said again in unison.

(Perfect shopping day and lunch in Old Ellicot City with Carolyn!  She brought our family a berry pie after Max died and promised a lunch trip.  Reasons to go back in two pictures below--they were closed Monday  for summer hours.)

(We finally got together to quilt!)

Sherrie:  "That was so much fun!!! Thank you for being so amazing and open!  What a fun day!:)"
(I got her started on a memory t-shirt quilt, she showed me her graduation Hawaii shirt quilt!)

"It's a catapult for pianos!" (and it really made a piano fly, see below, designed by Sherrie's nephew)

(After baseball game date, we stopped by John's parent's home.  Sandy out of town.)

(John describing NPR story about fathers & sons, in 50's gathered around a car engine, bonding.  Today it is easier for dads to be involved in their children's lives, easier to say "I love you.")

Good talk.

Remembering Good Moments

Suzanna and her daddy.   I was impressed with their matching foreheads.

As I have driven around this morning MSB song "Long for the Promised Land" came on, and I played it over, and over, and over, loving the song.  Remembering Max singing in so many concerts.  Glad for the good music, the soul-stirring uplift.

I finally went grocery shopping, and as I was putting away lettuce, found a mushy decomposed cucumber in the fridge hiding behind the celery.  THAT is what happens when you are spoiled by neighbors cooking sympathy meals for weeks.  We have been blessed with a huge outpouring of love, support.

Three separate invitations to lunch this week by sweet friends. 

I bore my testimony Sunday in Church.  Once a month the congregation is invited to take turns, if they desire, and share what is in their hearts up at the podium/microphone.  I talked about how the Sunday morning when we found out about Max's death, as we were calling and informing family, my mom bore her testimony to me about the Atonement, how it matters, and I felt the strong desire to put my shoes on and go to Church, right then.  John didn't want to let me go alone, and we walked in right as the Bishop was announcing the news about Max.  We found an empty pew about half way in the middle of the chapel, and then sang "Come, Come Ye Saints" for the opening hymn.  We were both crying, stayed through the sacrament and the first two talks and the Watt family singing "Teach Me To Walk in the Light" and then we left to come home to be with family.

I talked about the things I know are true, and real, and how I need to live like the Atonement is real.  Christ is resurrected, and I have a real hope that we will be, too, and that our family can be together forever. 

I have felt very strongly how important it is for us to keep reading scriptures together, to keep praying every night as a family.  And to understand how much the scriptures help me now, the strength I feel from the seminary scripture mastery 100 to memorize!

Resilience is a Good Word

"Sometimes we may ask God for success, and He gives us physical and mental stamina. We might plead for prosperity, and we receive enlarged perspective and increased patience, or we petition for growth and are blessed with the gift of grace. He may bestow upon us conviction and confidence as we strive to achieve worthy goals. And when we plead for relief from physical, mental, and spiritual difficulties, He may increase our resolve and resilience."  -Elder David A. Bednar, "The Windows of Heaven"

summer thoughts

Sam is at a church youth conference.  Johnny at work.  He encouraged Roxie and I to go see "Guardians of the Galaxy" for fun, reminding me that my dad had taken me to see "Star Wars" episode IV when I was 12.  The dancing was my favorite part, in Guardians.

Does it deserve all the great reviews?  Ehhh.  It was fun, but I got confused early on about who was whose father.  The word play was clever, the music hitting my demographic.  Trolls?  Had one, yes, green hair.

It seems strange that life goes on, mostly just as it was a month ago.  I've read 4 out of the 20 books daughter Emma checked out for me from public library.  Easy distractions. 

The sympathy cards keep coming, with very few duplicates.  Sometimes we get sympathy for our "grandson" and those get put in the "give to grandma & grandpa" pile. 

I've ordered pictures of each of our children to put in new frames, to go with the memorial picture of Max.   Maybe hang them in the hallway?

I want to paint, but my back is still giving me trouble.  Somehow I know painting would help.

We cried watching the funeral home 22 minute movie of Maxwell.  Then we ate chicken dinner and rice made from left-over Bob Evan's gravy.

Cooking is a chore.  I can mostly muster, rally from my reading day and cook a little.

But not last night.  John and Roxie cleaned Billie's condo and brought home Burger King.

It has been a couple of sad days in a row.  Missing my family, since they've gone back to Utah. 

I was scheduled to work all this week, but when they found out what had happened, they found a substitute for me subbing for them.  Maybe it would have been better staying busier?

Haven't started t-shirt quilts yet, but that is on the list.

Dieting hints are not good timing.   Chocolate has been helpful.

John and I are going to the ocean tomorrow with Roxie & Sam.  We had talked about all of us going, with Max.  He seemed eager for that, too.  Doing things we were going to do with him, having fun without him is hard.  But we do it anyway.  We talk about him.  We wish he were here with us.

Aberdeen baseball game Monday night, seats at a table behind home plate.  Max would have loved it!

Pictures for Me, the MOM!

 Stewart was a good sport as I snapped 30 or so pictures.  Still love the lighting trick of camera holder standing outside on the front porch, hold screen door open, and having subject sit inside house, on front doorway floor.  No flash.  Zoomed in.  Camera looking down at face.  These are untouched.  Glasses, and no glasses.

 With my parents, scrunched together.  Taken by John.

 Just standing together, but shot a little lower.  We need to remember to get photographer taller than subjects.  I like the scrunched look better, closer together.  Hard to direct when you are in the picture, easier to see when you are taking it.

Stewart giving me a hug after his portrait sitting session!

I am thankful for the many, many photos we have taken as a family.  Never enough, when you are trying to narrow them down, choose your favorites for a memorial service slide show...Emma helped so much in going through all the files.  We scanned in the pre-digital photograph prints we had.  She started out with 800 (?) good ones of Max and narrowed them down to fill 5 guest books, one for each sibling, and a good slide show.

Take some family photos, today!  Don't wait.  Don't ever wait.  Tell them it is for you.

Grieving and Going Forward

Bubble-Gum Pink & Purple ties for family.  Telling people about the colors Max requested for his birthday crown gave friends & family a way to show support, to do something.  A way to show solidarity.  It was amazing to see the chapel, the gym, and chairs up on to the stage plus people standing in the aisles and the hallways at the Memorial Service.  Baltimore Raven's shirts.  Pink and purple balloons in the gym.

Lisa Chin gave Mom prayer flag-banners to deliver.  I love them, beautiful, thoughtful, words of hope and blessings.  One length is still up in our dinning room.  I took 3 to Church and a friend put them up around cupcake tables, and on the stage; they were perfect addition to the evening!

Hard stuff:

Going through his papers, all neatly filed in a plastic organizer..."The Family:  A Proclamation to the World" (which we memorized as a family when Max was in junior high) was right on top.  Then all of the letters anyone had given him, collected from last 3 years.  All his many job paycheck information.  Then dream journals, recovery/rehab workbooks.    Two photographs:

Doodles and little pictures:

His siblings will go through his t-shirt collection and divide them up so I can make 5 t-shirt quilts for them.  There is sheet music.  His  scriptures.  Not much in terms of worldly possessions.  I haven't been able to wash his pillow case yet--still smells like a hug from him.  Every few days I take a big whiff, cry a little, then go on.

Today I am thankful for the Sabbath as a day to rest.  I am thankful for sweet neighbors dropping off hot homemade mac & cheese.  Thankful for 7-up cake from Eric in VA for breakfast!  Thankful for visiting teacher delivering Pad Thai dinner.  Thankful for being surrounded by family (Mom & Dad are still here, Emma & Dean, Suzu, Stewart-but all going back to Utah tomorrow.)  Thankful for all the hugs at Church.  Thankful for great talks from our stake patriarch and talk about courage in sharing our testimony and talk about Faith.  Even the Relief Society lesson was helpful:  President Uchtdorf's talk on "Grateful in Any Circumstance.

I am thankful for leftover chocolate chip cookies that John saved in a baggie and hid for me.  Thankful for the temple that we were able to go to Saturday and feel the comfort and peace and Spirit there.  Thankful for the many, many Books of Mormon with Max's picture and a family testimony inside we gave away at his memorial service:

The picture we used was a selfie he took at a family photo shoot Jarrettsville sunflower fields...4 years ago.