Definition of a handout in LDS vocabulary: cute, often pun-filled, physical take-away short message that reinforces the lesson. Something the learners and listeners can refer to the rest of the week and remember what they felt during the lesson, reminding them of what goals they set while listening to the speaker. Sometimes it is treat-related, so they can eat it after class...More often just paper...but I grew up being taught this way and using handouts when I taught to reinforce a lesson.
An official example of a
handout here. And some
guidelines and caution about using handouts here. Some cutesy-very
LDS-culture examples here on this pinboard.
The first time John and I spoke about Max's drug use to a group of Boy Scouts, I had put my 5 points shortened down to statements on the back of a photograph of our son.
Joe loved them, said he never thought of the idea, asked if he could print them up officially, like baseball trading cards to give out at these talks. We gave permission, and he even sent us proof copies to approve.
And I have a huge box full, more available.
If what I say doesn't sink in, maybe reading the words later, or looking at the picture of Max will remind them how precious life is and how much drugs hurt you.
And that is enough for now.
(A little different, every time we talk. This was Tuesday's talk, given with many tears. I was ready to rush out, but John whispered that he felt we should stay. We talked for 20 minutes with some of the troubled youth. They had lots of good questions. It felt good to talk about Max, see his video again, and to try and help.)
My husband
and I have been married for over 25 years.
We got married young, while we were in college, had our family right
away. We both graduated from college,
and my husband went to law school, passed the bar. I am a stay-at home Mom. One morning when I was cleaning, emptying the
trash, I smelled something---different.
I didn't
use drugs in high school, not even once.
Never drank alcohol. But I knew
what I smelled.
I dug a
home made bong made from a soda pop can out of the garbage, and then looked in
my son's drawers until I found a zip lock baggie of same smelling stuff. Called my husband. Took photos, and tried to not freak out.
To give Max
the benefit of the doubt, when I confronted him after school I asked him if he
was holding the pot for a friend? I
stayed calm. Didn't yell. He admitted it was his.
Whatever
personal experience of conflict between you and your parents, any disagreement,
I want you to remember that you are fiercely loved. If your family situation isn't like that, I know there is someone else in your life, maybe a teacher, or another adult who cares about you and your future. They want the best for you. They want you to be safe. They want you to live, and be happy.
Even though
I hadn't used drugs in high school, I knew people who did. It doesn't matter where or when you grow up,
what city, you can find it. It's
everywhere.
SO even
from the outside, not being a user, or an addict, I knew about consequences
from using drugs when I found pot in my son's drawer.
1. First, it is illegal. If that keeps you clean, at least while your
body is still growing and developing, awesome.
Getting arrested, and going to court are not pleasant. It costs $. It's awkward, embarrassing, horrible, really.
2. Some people might try and convince you there
is no long-lasting harm. Which makes me
want to laugh out loud now.
THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES to using drugs. Sure, you can sneak them, and maybe you have
a better hiding place for your stash.
Maybe you can get away with not looking
anyone directly in the eyes and they won't know you are wasted, at least
for awhile. Using the fan in the
bathroom so you can get high--yeah, you might get away with it, for
awhile.
But things
are going to start falling apart. Got a
job? Great! Can you keep it? How's your mental abilities functioning? Having a hard time staying in school? Yep, worse and worse. Trust issues?
Are your parents ever going to let you drive their cars again, possibly high? No way. Relationships?
For our
son, using pot lead to more drugs.
Sneakier habits. Stealing (family
grocery $) and prescription meds to get high.
Shoplifting cough syrup to get high.
Swearing he had stopped, and using anyway.
I hate
SPICE. Wicked, horrible stuff that eats
your brain, damages your sense of humor, makes you stupid, really stupid. Acid, mushrooms, other gross stuff. He was trying to "use up"
everything I hadn't found and we had to take him to the hospital New Year's
Eve. I thought he was going to die,
temperature sky-rocketed, his heart was racing too fast, he couldn't stop
shaking, and he was blathering nonsense.
Using drugs triggered psychotic episodes in him. Sure, maybe it won't react to your body
chemistry that way, but why risk it?
Don't risk it.
I won't
list all the rehab programs we tried. Or
all the hospital stays. Or the cold,
cold night last winter when I took warm gloves and a hat to him when he was
homeless. Our son picked up smoking
cigarette habit from AA meetings.
Which was especially horrifying to me because he had the most beautiful
singing voice.
Why did he
use drugs? He told me that a good
friend of his swore it was better than sex. Which is a lie.
That it
would make him feel young and free like a 7 year old again, that child-like
wonder with the world. Which is a
lie. Sure, it might make you goofy like
a kid, but you won't be free. You are
going to get tangled up in a habit that won't let you go.
One of the
consequences of using drugs and committing suicide is that your mom is going to
read everything you ever wrote. Your
computer will get searched. Your mom is
going to go through everything, and maybe keep your pillow so she can smell
where your head has slept, smell your hair and cry a little every time.
Some of the
things I have read about how he was feeling BEFORE the drug use started: he was really down on himself, thought he was
horribly ugly and disgusting, non-loveable.
He despaired over being accepted and really liked a girl but she didn't
seem to notice him. He had questions
about his future, worried about the pressures of money, STUFF WE ALL HAVE TO
DEAL WITH, nothing unusual. Stuff you
have to deal with, too.
But you
don't need to make the choices he did.
Stay sober. Party sober. You can have a great time without getting
high. And you can remember the party
afterwards! You can be responsible for
your choices and be focused and clear thinking…really free.
Drugs
ruined my son, wasted his life. Please,
get help, and help your friends.
