HOW MANY OF
YOU LOVE PICKLES? Not just like them a
little bit, but LOVE them? I love
pickles. But my husband hates them,
never liked them when he was young, still hates them. We have 6 children: 3 girls and 3 boys. So how many of them do you think like
pickles? Would it surprise you to hear,
2 don't like them, our oldest daughter and our youngest daughter.
If I told
you I had a treat that looks kind of like a pickle, smells like one, but you’ve
never tried it, would you do it on a dare?
If I made fun of you for not trying it, would you cave in to the peer
pressure and eat it? A pickled OKRA is
still green, crunchy, salty, and the texture is similar, but not everyone who
likes pickles likes pickled OKRA. If you
cook it wrong, it is gelatinous, like jelly or jello, slimy, really gross. Would you try it if I tried it first, and
you saw that I liked it? Would you ask
your friends first if they liked it, or ask your parents if it was ok to eat
okra? Would you google it, look up
recipes, read about its health benefits, and would you believe it?
THREE
THINGS: 1. No secrets from your parents or family. Surprises are ok, for birthdays and holidays
and gifts, but not secrets.
2. Decide today that you will say no to drugs
& alcohol. I was reading an article
yesterday that talked about scientific studies showing it is easier to never do
something than to try and do it in moderation, just smoke a little, just drink
a little. Some things are hard to stop,
and they are addicting in dangerous ways.
3. Be brave and confident making good
choices. Even if everyone around you is
making a bad choice, those good choices will protect you, keep you safe, keep
your brain cells, and you will be happier.
One of my
pickle sons, is named Maxwell.
He was very
smart, funny, but one of his bad habits was taking dares. If someone dared him to drink hot sauce, he
would try it, even if it hurt his tongue.
He liked getting attention from dares.
One day in
high school, a friend dared him to smoke some marijuana, or pot. The friend gave him a zip lock baggy full of
green leaves for free, and promised it would make Maxwell feel like a little
kid again; it would make him relax and happy and forget all the hard things
about being a teenager.
One day
while Max was in school, I felt like I should clean his room, maybe empty the
garbage, and I found evidence. I started
looking in his desk, found a baggy of marijuana hidden under some papers, and
some other things he was using to smoke it.
When he got home from school and went into his room, he could tell that
someone had been in there. I had to
drive him to singing practice, and we had a long, calm talk. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, asked
him if he was keeping the drugs for someone.
I am thankful he was honest with me, said the drugs were his.
We had a
long talk, and I stayed calm the whole time, asking him questions, wanting to
understand what his plan was, why he tried it.
He told me about how he felt. And
he promised he would stop.
But drugs
trick you. They are hard to stop. Friends who like drugs will lie to you,
especially if they are selling it. Drugs
are a way for some people to make money, and they don't care how much drugs
hurt you, they just want to make more money.
Max didn't
have a job, but he had video games, shoes, some nice things that he traded for
drugs. How else do you think he got $
for drugs?
He stole
it. He would take grocery $ from our
room and spend it on drugs. I couldn't
figure out how the $ was disappearing so quickly, thought maybe I was spending
too much without realizing what was really happening.
Maxwell
also shoplifted to get drugs, over-the-counter medicine, if you take it wrong,
is really dangerous and can kill you.
This went
on for 3 years, and it got worse, and scarier.
He would try to stop, and we helped him get into programs that tried to
help him stop. He picked up some bad
habits while living with people who were also trying to stop using drugs.
One thing
that doesn't help people who are using, is to make them feel bad, or shame
them. Never works to shame them. We tried to be supportive, tell him we loved
him, involve him the best we could in our lives, but he kept making some bad
choices.
He died 3
years and 7 days ago. I miss him. 1,102 days.
Your family
would miss you, if you started making choices that make you unsafe. Keep talking to your parents and family, tell
them if you have friends making scary choices, and decide that you will be
healthy, safe, and obey the law--which includes no drinking any alcohol before
you are 21 years old. Be brave, when
people make fun of you for your good choices.
Know that you are not the only one.
Say "NO!" to anyone trying to talk you into a bad choice, or
DARE you to try something you shouldn't.
Okra really
is safe. Pickles are good. But drugs are not. Please be careful of your bodies, protect
them. You have so much to discover and
learn and experience!
I
hope you smile next time your family wants to take a photograph together. Photos & memories are the only things I have left of my
son.
