Thanks to online South Carolina Traumatic Brain Injury manual

Understanding the Grieving Process

It is important to remember

that different people react differently to the grief they suffer over the loss

of the family member they once knew & loved; the one who was energetic and vital, who may have been the prime provider and support system for the family. Some individuals respond by involving themselves completely in the rehabilitation process of their family member. They deal with insurance companies, doctors, rehabilitation providers and government agencies. In a way this helps them gain some control over their situation. Others may not be able to come around for a while. They may bury themselves in other projects and with other responsibilities. These individuals will need time to reach a more comfortable level of accepting what has happened to them and their family member.

There is frequently a grieving process that one goes through when his or her family member suffers a head injury.

The process is often experienced in definable stages:

denial;

anger and frustration;

depression and withdrawal; and

acceptance

If your family member engages in constant verbalization about a concern of his, do not allow yourself to get trapped into worrying with him. One person is enough.

Unrealistic Expectations

It is often difficult to be realistic about what you can expect from your family member. These expectations also change as he makes changes. It would be wonderful to be optimistic about his progress and to will him to return to his old self, but realistically we know this seldom happens. Often, this type of optimism keeps us going. However, being overly optimistic, and not realistic, can be counterproductive, especially if it leads to setting goals you or your family member can't meet. It can give both of you a sense of failure, which is counterproductive to the rehabilitation process.  If possible, take the recovery period one day at a time without planning too far ahead. In essence, the right mixture is optimism tempered with a touch of realism.

Learning to Love Again

Unless your family member has had only a mild bump on the head (and sometimes even then), you will find that he is a somewhat different person from before. Now that he is coming home you may be fantasizing that he will be his "old self." You will be disappointed if you are expecting this, so do not set yourself up for this letdown.

As time goes by you will probably see changes indicating that your family member may never completely return to his original personality You may feel that you are living or sleeping with a stranger.

You will need time to adjust, so give yourself this opportunity If it is your spouse who is injured, you may need to seek professional help to assist both of you in redeveloping your relationship.

In trying to reshape your relationship with your family member, another issue you have to deal with is a change in family roles. You may have to adjust to the fact that your spouse is no longer the dominant one in the home or in the relationship. You may have to assume that role. You may also have to adjust

to the fact that he may not be as active or assertive as he was before his injury.

Learning to adjust to these changes and renewing your love for your partner can present a significant challenge.

Suggestions

Talk to him the way you used to.

Let him make as many decisions as possible.

Ask his opinion, even if it is not necessarily needed.

Take time to reestablish your relationship. 

This time is a learning process, and you will have to discover new things about your loved one.

The right side is really the LEFT side when looking at scan...