I thought I would probably be a good mom, because I liked babies, liked doing creative things with kids. From being the oldest of 9 children I had lots of experience with managing groups, the feeding and cleaning necessary. I was confident. Too cocky, surely.
I really liked the Guy-Future-Father-of-My-Children--couldn't think of living without him or him with anyone else but me!
I didn't anticipate having to do things when I am tired and hungry and stressed, all at once. Function under fire, with a smile. Boot camp for motherhood would include sleep-deprivation and multi-tasking while being interrogated and assaulted with horrible smells and sensations. And de-sensitizing of irritants. Pick the top ten things that bug you and figure out how to ignore/put-off/dismiss them.
stealthily sticky kitchen counters (you don't notice until you put a paper down on them to sign and than you can't pull it up without ripping the paper)
food on the floor and candy wrappers (evidence!) in a non-eating room
dirty socks on top of couch pillows awry
spit on the bathroom mirror & muddy shoes on just cleaned carpet
toe nail clippings in disturbing places (kitchen counter!) or hairs in the butter
loud noises when trying to sleep
encroaching on your territorial borders & collapsing of any personal space bubble
non-stop questioning and endlessly repeated instructions that are ignored
over-flowing garbage cans that smell really bad
multiple needs from multiple people with multiple expectations...
I wish I had taken more naps earlier in life to make up for sleep-less life now. I'm not walking the hallway calming a colicky baby these days, just waking up early to teach them and trying to go to be in bed early enough with teenager's crazy schedules.
Can you read the recipes on the yellow sticky notes? Details matter, add up. Small things can move mountains, or make mountains. Constant, daily efforts determine character. I am my choices. 70 shrinking extra pounds of ice cream and chocolate choices balanced with 1/2 hour of exercise almost every week day. (How many snickers is that?) Today, I choose to exercise early, be productive, study more, be nicer. Too many grouchy-mommy moments yesterday, and I stopped swimming after 20 minutes of laps. I can be better today than I was yesterday, by choice.
