First off, thanks, Mom, for being willing to be a mother. For trusting motherhood. For making sacrifices of time, money, your health/body to have me, and the Siblings. Happy Mother's Day, to you!
John asked me before Church if it was okay to wear his Father's Day tie today, the solid marroon one with flourescent horizontal puffy fabric paint. Not perfect horizontals, little-hand shaky, cute. I told him I couldn't be a mom without his daddying. And I am very aware that it is a team effort. I need him.
I woke up from a vivid dream about one of our sons, who was back to being a cute little toddler. He was swinging on some pipes over the deep end of a pool, wearing clothes and shoes. I had gotten all our children ready to go, packing up from a hotel, and we were about to leave in the car, and this son dropped into the water, bobbed to the top and started paddling across the deep end. I plucked him out, held him sopping wet against my shoulder and listened as he explained that he wanted to stay in the pool and have fun and live his own life and be on his own. I listened, told him I loved him, and then I asked him if he wanted to go with me. As he ran his short fingers through my hair he told me only if I didn't use hair spray, because he didn't like how that smelled...
Tender mother moments, when babies are small, pluck-out-of-the pool controllable. You can make them go with you--by taking them, picking them up, strapping them in the carseat. They may not like it and fight it, but you are bigger, stronger, mightier.
If you have a teenager living at home who is physically taller/stronger, you see very quickly that the physical pressure is gone. You CANNOT make them. You can guilt them, you can withhold financial support, bargain with them, but there is no force. I cannot batter them into submission, or tie them into a car seat. I cannot change their minds, or change how they feel about something.
I can laugh, make jokes, tell stories, make connections, teach, encourage,persuade, invite, reward, praise, listen. I can be there at the crossroads, be available, cook and ply with food. Serve. Notice them, hug them, rub their shoulders when they are tense, shop for them.
I found lady-leather gloves for my girls, at an antique store having a fire-sale last week. They need airing out, but I hope my daughters know I admire them, look up to them, and respect the women that they are and their potential for their own mothering.
And to my sons: I am watching you. I am watching how you treat the women in your lives, how you talk to them, how you respect them, serve them, seek for their comfort. The way your father seeks for mine.
I can't fix you, or make you do anything. I can't even take the credit for your achievements and sucesses, or your failures and faults. Maybe for some of the bad habits, yes...(do not eat ice cream first for your meal!). Please do not live your life trying to guess what will make me happy.
I am happy. Happy to be your mom. Now go and figure out what makes you happiest, too.
I love you all, no matter what, YES. That won't change. But you need to be happy with yourself, too.
Hugs & kisses & only a little hairspray today,
Mom-me
