Un-coupled, Briefly

Every Sunday I go to his class. I sit in the front row. I watch him as he moves back and forth, writes on the board. I even think romantic thoughts about him.

He is a great teacher. He is good at facilitating discussion. He always bears his testimony at the end, and if the bishop is in his class, or the stake president, turns time over to them to share their thoughts.

I like being with him. My world gravitates around him. He grounds me. I remember feeling glued together during our wedding reception in SLC and the open house here. Side-by-side. A good feeling. You look for one of us, you find the other close at hand. United. Together. We like being together. We chose this relationship. When our children all grow up and leave for their own home-creating, there will still be plenty to talk about, plenty of "UMPF" left to enjoy. I know this to be true.

Today I will miss him. The Primary needs help both hours. They are pulling their regular teachers out to do inservice. Which I am a big fan of--I know how much it helps me to go to my teacher-training meetings for seminary.

John will teach his class, then come down and join me, sitting with the under 12 students.

And then he is taking Max to the first Lessons & Carols in Baltimore-so he will be gone the whole afternoon & evening. For years he signed us up together to usher, but I feel like I need to stay home with the younger children, prep for seminary this week.

And make the most of the 5 minutes we have together today!

United Thoughts

You have to imagine this as a couple photo! John saw me with the camera taking a photo of the brownie pistachio frosting cake for Max, and laughed and said he had just taken a photo of the same thing! Un cropped, un-touched photos, one from each of us, having the same document-our-living history thought!

Matching [Family Culture] Questions

I read on Emma's blog comments that my Grandpa Jack told my dad the same "shaggy dog" story about the un-asked for tire jack that Grandma Sandy (John's mom) tells.

I love hearing of in-law family similarities, matching culture and background, things we have in common.

(I remember my mom's advice that couples have enough stress and conflict without adding more differences to the relationship.)

His parents got married on the same day, in the same place, so same anniversary as my parents.

His dad is a convert. So is mine. His mom is long-time LDS member family, like mine. My family from west, with strong ties to east coast. His family from east coast, with history in west. (We still are working geographical challenges out.)

His parents are super hosts, very active in the political community, sing in the ward choir, gregarious entertainers and take care of John's grandma who lives in the same town.

My parents feed local family on many Sunday nights, work in the SL temple, are saying good-bye after the youngest son is married in a month; they put in their mission papers and are waiting for the call to leave.

When I first heard that Emma is now dating a guy who grew up being careful of wet wall paint (as a common thing) I laughed out loud with joy! That is completely like the world I have created for my kids. They have that in common!

His parents met at BYU-Hawaii. Hers at BYU-Provo. We share the same religious background, big plus.

And...?

My personality seeks for more connections with his [Dean's] family, trying to discover what else we share, besides dating children. Still struggling with protocol and appropriate getting-to-know-you-long distance attempts.

Last night I dreamed Dean had called me and said he had some time to talk. In real life I worry that would freak him out if I made that same move; I face-book stalked him at the beginning of their relationship and was too intensely curious and full of questions.

What is the balance? How does one communicate eagerness to discover similarities without overwhelming? Openess and friendliness while reserving judgement?

I would be curious to ask our kids what characteristics they think we embrace as a family culture. The culture of Landbeck that John & I have created:

Who are we? What is our family identity? What makes us, "US" and unique? Who do we think we are? How should we expect someone to get to know us? What do we do when that eagerness to discover and "know" isn't automatic or reciprocated?

I am thankful I found a man who yearns to grow more united with me every day. He loves it when we show up wearing the same color!