Grieving and Going Forward

Bubble-Gum Pink & Purple ties for family.  Telling people about the colors Max requested for his birthday crown gave friends & family a way to show support, to do something.  A way to show solidarity.  It was amazing to see the chapel, the gym, and chairs up on to the stage plus people standing in the aisles and the hallways at the Memorial Service.  Baltimore Raven's shirts.  Pink and purple balloons in the gym.

Lisa Chin gave Mom prayer flag-banners to deliver.  I love them, beautiful, thoughtful, words of hope and blessings.  One length is still up in our dinning room.  I took 3 to Church and a friend put them up around cupcake tables, and on the stage; they were perfect addition to the evening!

Hard stuff:

Going through his papers, all neatly filed in a plastic organizer..."The Family:  A Proclamation to the World" (which we memorized as a family when Max was in junior high) was right on top.  Then all of the letters anyone had given him, collected from last 3 years.  All his many job paycheck information.  Then dream journals, recovery/rehab workbooks.    Two photographs:

Doodles and little pictures:

His siblings will go through his t-shirt collection and divide them up so I can make 5 t-shirt quilts for them.  There is sheet music.  His  scriptures.  Not much in terms of worldly possessions.  I haven't been able to wash his pillow case yet--still smells like a hug from him.  Every few days I take a big whiff, cry a little, then go on.

Today I am thankful for the Sabbath as a day to rest.  I am thankful for sweet neighbors dropping off hot homemade mac & cheese.  Thankful for 7-up cake from Eric in VA for breakfast!  Thankful for visiting teacher delivering Pad Thai dinner.  Thankful for being surrounded by family (Mom & Dad are still here, Emma & Dean, Suzu, Stewart-but all going back to Utah tomorrow.)  Thankful for all the hugs at Church.  Thankful for great talks from our stake patriarch and talk about courage in sharing our testimony and talk about Faith.  Even the Relief Society lesson was helpful:  President Uchtdorf's talk on "Grateful in Any Circumstance.

I am thankful for leftover chocolate chip cookies that John saved in a baggie and hid for me.  Thankful for the temple that we were able to go to Saturday and feel the comfort and peace and Spirit there.  Thankful for the many, many Books of Mormon with Max's picture and a family testimony inside we gave away at his memorial service:

The picture we used was a selfie he took at a family photo shoot Jarrettsville sunflower fields...4 years ago.