Porch Photo Tradition

2013

2002

Mother Guilt Going, Going, Gone

First off, thanks, Mom, for being willing to be a mother.  For trusting motherhood.  For making sacrifices of time, money, your health/body to have me, and the Siblings.  Happy Mother's Day, to you!

John asked me before Church if it was okay to wear his Father's Day tie today, the solid marroon one with flourescent horizontal puffy fabric paint.  Not perfect horizontals, little-hand shaky, cute.  I told him I couldn't be a mom without his daddying.  And I am very aware that it is a team effort.  I need him.

I woke up from a vivid dream about one of our sons, who was back to being a cute little toddler.  He was swinging on some pipes over the deep end of a pool, wearing clothes and shoes.  I had gotten all our children ready to go, packing up from a hotel, and we were about to leave in the car, and this son dropped into the water, bobbed to the top and started paddling across the deep end.  I plucked him out, held him sopping wet against my shoulder and listened as he explained that he wanted to stay in the pool and have fun and live his own life and be on his own.  I listened, told him I loved him, and then I asked him if he wanted to go with me.  As he ran his short fingers through my hair he told me only if I didn't use hair spray, because he didn't like how that smelled...

Tender mother moments, when babies are small, pluck-out-of-the pool controllable.  You can make them go with you--by taking them, picking them up, strapping them in the carseat.  They may not like it and fight it, but you are bigger, stronger, mightier. 

If you have a teenager living at home who is physically taller/stronger, you see very quickly that the physical pressure is gone.  You CANNOT make them.  You can guilt them, you can withhold financial support, bargain with them, but there is no force.  I cannot batter them into submission, or tie them into a car seat.  I cannot change their minds, or change how they feel about something.

I can laugh, make jokes, tell stories, make connections, teach, encourage,persuade, invite, reward, praise, listen.  I can be there at the crossroads, be available, cook and ply with food.  Serve.  Notice them, hug them, rub their shoulders when they are tense, shop for them.

I found lady-leather gloves for my girls, at an antique store having a fire-sale last week.  They need airing out, but I hope my daughters know I admire them, look up to them, and respect the women that they are and their potential for their own mothering.

And to my sons:  I am watching you.  I am watching how you treat the women in your lives, how you talk to them, how you respect them, serve them, seek for their comfort.  The way your father seeks for mine. 

I can't fix you, or make you do anything.  I can't even take the credit for your achievements and sucesses, or your failures and faults.  Maybe for some of the bad habits, yes...(do not eat ice cream first for your meal!).  Please do not live your life trying to guess what will make me happy.

I am happy.  Happy to be your mom.  Now go and figure out what makes you happiest, too.

I love you all, no matter what, YES.  That won't change.  But you need to be happy with yourself, too.

Hugs & kisses & only a little hairspray today,
Mom-me

Glitter & Preview

38 hours of work, plus travel time, made a long, long week.  Nice to be home for the weekend, and not sick. Tapering off of prednisone, vivid dreaming (about cars that had see-through doors, very bad idea, distracting to drive next to-weird.  I watched a dog in my dream whine and jump out of the window of the see-through truck in front of me, he didn't like being able to see the road and knew it was "wrong.").

Saturday Suzanna went with a friend to a Fairy Festival, she has glitter and wings strapped to her back.  She said it was like a Renaissance Festival, but for little kids.

And I chalked in a turtle nursery today.  It should be a fast project next week, all monochromatic on top of this peachy-porcelain color base coat.  (It won't be pink, just my chalk color that showed up well.)

Singing & Working

Roxie, blond on far left TOWERS over her shorter peers in choir.  She sings high soprano, loves it!

This week I am on-call, working in an office that used to be a bank.  This vault door is behind my desk, very cool, very heavy.  Whatever you have seen in films, this thing weighs thousands of pounds, thick, amazing mechanics.  Old safety deposit boxes still inside.

It's a beautiful focal point in the room, first thing you see when you walk in, after the 20 foot ceilings...marble wainscotting, my smiling face to greet you...

Can You Guess?

Wild flowers?

Lava cooling?

Herd of grazing cows, or maybe turkeys?

My not-so-secret vice!  I can make it without looking at a recipe or using measuring tools...yum!

The Tent Works

Two Christmases ago John & I bought a tent for our family.  We "practiced" sleeping in the same room, all of us with kids under the Christmas tree.   Summer came & went without us even getting the tent out of the box.

It has been a rough year of working, getting Max stable & healthy, busy schedules, and we just haven't gone camping together.  Yet.

I have fun childhood memories of camping:  the Badlands, SD, Mississipi Palisades, Illinois, and somewhere in California surrounded by redwoods... 

Our honeymoon included a quick, sleepy trip to Zion's National Park in a two-just-us tent.  I really thought we would be hearty campers as our children came along.

But that was before Crohn's Disease symptoms (I thought they were just part of being pregnant) and soft toilet paper & conveniences of home made me less outdoorsy for entertainment.

John & Sam went to  father & sons campout, tried it out at home so they could set it up in dark on mountain side...and ended up sleeping in cabins!

But this summer we are going to try again!

Ever Wonder What You Will Do On Your Next Date?

Last Friday I took the 2:30 pm train down to BWI.  John picked me up, and we drove the rest of the way here, DC temple.  Gorgeous tulips in bloom.  John already blogged this picture, so I am borrowing it.  Two hours of service, and it was still light outside when we left. 

Then we went out for sushi.  And coconut shrimp.  Fun date.  Thanks again to Ian Ritchie, for yelping a great place to eat.

This Friday?  Boys will be camping.  Girls will be catching up on some book-reading and maybe some films!